Ellis and Healthy Personalities #2: Self Direction

As I discussed in another post, Albert Ellis outlines nine personality traits that make up a healthy personality. He does so in his article, The case against religion. Now, some have taken issue with me taking this idea from such an inflammatory, anti-religious piece of work, but I believe these ideas can stand alone. I think that some ideas need full context to be judged. Others, however, can be presented in a context, removed from that context, and be judged on their own merits. I just want to make it clear that though I am using a piece that Ellis writes with the specific purpose against religion, I am not making those same arguments for the same ends here. That is not to say anything about my thoughts on the matter. Ellis was a respected psychotherapist who developed effective therapy techniques. I think dismissing a personality theory from such an individual out of hand because of his religious views, or lack thereof, would be short sighted at best.

Anyway, on to the topic at hand. The second trait on the list is self direction. In his article, Ellis describes self direction as an individual’s assumption of responsibility over his/her own life. This includes the ability to work on one’s own, and while sometimes desiring the aid of others, not requiring it to satisfy that individual’s effectiveness and well being.

While I understand where Ellis is coming from, labeling this particular quality "self-direction,” due to the emphasis on being able to direct one’s self in work and whatnot, I would choose to use slightly different language to broaden the scope of this particular idea. I would rather classify this trait more as a self sufficiency. I think that self sufficiency is a term that more neatly describes the ability to take responsibility for one’s self, as well as implying the inclusion of self direction among other personal responsibilities that I feel are important.

I have been working with the developmentally disabled for about two years. I was once in a human service program, and now I am studying psychology. Through all of this I have found that promoting self sufficiency is a common theme. Part of my job description includes teaching skills to help make the individuals I work with more self sufficient. This is the crux of the giving/teaching fish metaphor that everyone tosses around. It even seems somewhat paradoxical, that individuals come for assistance in learning to not need assistance.

I have seen on occasion, those that I teach the skills to (though they are skills that we take for granted) gain a sense of accomplishment and joy when they are finally able to rely on themselves for something. I have seen firsthand, that self reliance and self sufficiency can provide one with some pride. Not everyone has the ability to be completely self reliant, but I have not encountered anyone that is happy being completely reliant on others. I have witnessed many fight to gain some sort of control, some kind of power over their own lives. I realize that these examples are somewhat anecdotal, but I think it reflects a natural drive to be self sufficient in some regard. Although because of circumstance some people are unable to be entirely self sufficient, having some aspects of their lives that they are in control of can help tremendously with their well being.

While self sufficiency may seem to be synonymous with independence, it is not a statement that people should withdraw from help, or reject others. Solitude and isolation should not come from self sufficiency. We are by nature social creatures, though there are rare exceptions to every rule. There are often dramatic consequences for cutting oneself off from others, emotionally and physically; thus in some way other people can be key in our well being, though we can still take responsibility here. We can be responsible for obtaining the personal connections we need, and being able to manage them in a healthy way. The problem comes when having human contact becomes an unhealthy dependence on others to provide for our well being. This is a key aspect of many abusive relationships. The abuser often makes the victim completely dependent, unable to do much of anything on their own.

There is a balance though. A balance between being able to realize that human contact is good and it is ok to ask for help, and knowing that you can take responsibility for yourself and manage your own issues. I think the balance is disrupted when one goes from thinking that aid from others would be preferable, to thinking that others MUST help them. Now, I do understand there are people in great distress, and without the aid of psychologists, counselors, human service workers, and the like, they could face some very bad circumstances, but when and if they do get help, the help likely works to make them not need the help any more. Teaching them the skills they need to manage and be self sufficient, taking responsibility and control back over their own well being - isn’t that kind of the point?

Make sure to return next week when I discuss the behaviorists; and in two weeks, Ellis and healthy personalities part 3, Tolerance.